Long Pregnancy

I have always heard various things about pregnancy from other women, but I never imagined that it was going to be as difficult as it has been for me. It began with constant nausea which I guess isn't too unusual. Although for most women it ends, my nausea has stayed throughout my entire pregnancy, accompanied by a lot of acid reflux. I have been on and off of bed rest through out my pregnancy because of bleeding, on more than one occasion, knowing of the issues with pregnancy that have run in my family this has been a constant worry for me. So finding out that I have a genetic blood disorder contributed to creating blood clots and also has been known to cause birth defects on occasion. I was obviously not happy or relieved to discovered that I carried this gene that my sister has (they believe she lost her child at 29 weeks because of this genetic disorder) but I was grateful to know earlier than my sister so I could take the necessary precautions to keep my daughter healthy and safe. With that worry constantly weighing on my mind any mother can imagine the heartbreak I felt to find out weeks later that I also have gestational diabetes. I haven't been very active because of my bed rest, and that contributes to my blood sugar levels being higher, & like any pregnant woman I crave everything sweet in the world. I already love sweets, but now I can't have them really at all? :( Side note, thank God I have such an incredible mother-in-law, as soon as she found out I had gestational diabetes she spent well over $30 on sugar free chocolate and had it shipped to my house 3 days later! After going through my class to learn how to eat better to maintain my levels I have struggled to follow the guidelines I need to in order to keep my blood sugar down. No matter how well I am eating my levels always seem to be higher than the range they are suppose to be in, so either way I am feeling crappy. I don't think many people realize the risk it poses for me to eat out in a restaurant or get fast food, its not even based off of sugar, but carbs. So during this fall season, basically I want to cry because it is too dangerous for me to eat almost anything. If anyone has any input or helpful information for maintain this diet, I am totally open too it. I am constantly fighting these negative thoughts of the possibility that something could end up being seriously unhealthy for Aria.
         Over the last few weeks I have been feeling a little guilty for my thoughts on pregnancy. I can't tell you how often I have heard someone say, pregnancy is beautiful. Well my friends, I want you to know I disagree. The only thing I have found comfort in is that I can feel my daughter pushing around my insides a hundred billion times a day. Recently I have found joy in putting my phone light on my tummy and moving it around laughing as she hits the light. Though I can't tell you how often it has crossed my mind, that I am just so ready to be done with this pregnancy and have been hoping that maybe she will come early. I feel so terrible for thinking that because that is so selfish. The longer she is cooking in there the more healthy and strong my baby is, so I need to stop feeling so negatively about it, but obviously my pregnancy has been no walk in the park. I stumbled across this picture of a mommy belly with a quote over it that has been constantly in my mind.
                       "Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle."

Now if you know me, you know I am no where near religious, but I do have a firm belief in God. Reading this almost broke my heart, here I have been the last 7.5 months sacrificing my body so I can start a family, carrying one of the things I hold dearest to my heart already & I haven't even seen her face yet. I may not think that pregnancy is beautiful, but there are definitely things about it that can be, & knowing that I am helping grow a tiny miracle & another life in my body is gratification enough to go through the insecurities of losing my figure that I have been dealing with. In just 10 short weeks (that are really going to drag on) I will have that miracle in my arms. Hopefully she is just as happy and healthy to be with me as I will be to have her with me and my small family.

Whatever will be

My name is Britney, I have been debating on starting a blog for quite a while now. If no one wants to read up on it, that is perfectly fine with me. I have decided this is a way for me to express myself and hopefully relieve some stress during my pregnancy. I am 23 years young, married & 28 1/2 weeks pregnant with my first beautiful little girl. Nick and I got married in June and have officially begun our lives together. Needless to say, they are already my world. Call me crazy, but I can't forget to mention my little doggy Leo, who has been my first real pet.

My blog title is Whatever Will Be, I choose that because I have always found myself to be somewhat of a dreamer but never following through on my thoughts, because I always fall back on the logic, "Everything happens for a reason." Recently I found this very short and sweet quote that I think I like better than the previous, "Whatever will be, will be." 5 words, but so simple. This is something I know I will constantly think about during the remainder of my pregnancy as well because I have become quite the worry wart. I am far from religious but I do believe in God and I constantly find myself falling back onto the fact that I think he has a plan for everyone, and the good, bad, ugly or sometimes beautiful things I am going through are all part of the bigger picture.

-& grateful for good friends and great family