As the new chapter of my life rapidly approaches, and my time in Utah fades to become a distant memory I have had a lot of time to ponder about a lot of things. The biggest thing in particular that has been on my mind is my incredible parents that I am leaving behind. Moving out of state is a very scary experience for me, just leaving my parents house to move in with Nick was intimidating. Now I am going to be moving my little family across two states! Granted I will be with Nick's incredible family, I will be hours away from mine. It is no exaggeration when I say my "life" is going to be left behind, although the definition of my life has changed greatly in the last 2.5 months. My life is now my daughter, there are lots of people in my life that I still care for but, my baby is my life & she is why we are moving. So we can better our lives together, for her.
Another thing that I have been thinking about is the lack of love and support I have felt from a lot of people. I have noticed over the last couple months & years that the friends you thought were you friends, really don't care about me like I care about them. I understand everyone getting their own lives & growing up, but the saying "having 3 real friends is way better than having 10 friends" definitely comes to mind. I always have thought of a bunch of different people as best friends, but I am seeing a serious lack of support, love, & overall friendship from a lot of those "best friends". Where those have lacked, others have stepped in & my relationships have blossomed with those real best friends of mine. While I do feel a sadness because it seems I am mourning the loss of people close to me, it makes me question the entire time if they ever were really there. Calling up a friend to get drunk, or have lunch isn't really much of a friendship to me. I want my best friends to be my family & I am glad to have found the friends of mine that I still feel that love and support from.
♣♣Also, happy mcdrunkies day. ♣♣
Monday, March 17, 2014
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Neglecting
Golly gee, it has been quite a while since I have shared some love on here. So much has happened & I have just been such a busy bee. I gave birth to a sweet angel on 12/27/2013 after being induced and being in labor for almost a full 24 hours. After 3 hours of pushing my sweet bundle of joy joined my husband & I with her head full of hair and sweet smile. I will forever remember those precious first moments of her life, she didn't start screaming until they start poking and prodding at her, by the time they were done she was screaming. They laid that precious gift on my chest for skin to skin & in what I felt like was my gentlest voice possible I said, "Hey my sweet baby Aria, it's okay." with tears filling my eyes. She immediately stopped screaming and looking directly up at me smiling. That first 3 seconds made the last 9 months seem like nothing horrible ever happened. Since then I have been a busy Mama. Aria is a wonderful baby, she hardly ever cries & when she does it's more of a whine for about 10 seconds. She sleeps most of the night & is the most snuggly little monkey ever. She is gaining weight and growing like a weed. It seems like just yesterday was going into the hospital to be induced & it has almost been exactly 11 weeks! I must admit throughout pregnancy I was very worried about being able to breastfeed & I proudly proclaim to everyone that she is exclusively breastfed. (GO ME, WOOT WOOT) I encourage every mother to try, & trust me the first few weeks are not easy but you CAN get your supply up, & you CAN produce enough to get your little one gaining weight. It is the best thing for them, so do it!
Secondly, everyone tells you how hard it is to have a baby, the old people crack jokes & the young couples tell you its hard, but for some reason it never really sinks in. I always chuckled to myself, yeah yeah it isn't that bad, & If I am being realistic I really don't think it is that hard to have a baby, so far. I can see that it is definitely going to get hard. The infant themselves is not the challenge for me, it is the changes that I have to make within myself & the sacrifices that I must make for the betterment of my child. Although having her around me relying on me for everything is definitely extremely draining, I wouldn't trade being a mother for anything. It is most definitely the greatest role I have ever played in my life and I am honored to say that God was ready to send her to me.
I have realized quickly the hardest part of having a newborn is the strain it has on my marriage. Being married is already stressful enough. For some reason living with Nicholas for a year before was a cakewalk compared to being married, & believe me. Living together prior to being married was no walk in the park either. I don't know why the paperwork complicated my life so much more, but marriage is hard. It takes work everyday. Saying that, marriage is at least 1 billiontrillionkazillionX harder after having a baby. Which is why I am so lucky & blessed to say I have the best parents ever, both my parents & my in laws.
Which brings me to my other big news!! I'm pregnant!!!!!!!!! Jokes. I would die. I AM NOT PREGNANT. Our lease for our stupid apartment complex is up at the end of March. I am embarrassed to admit that over the length of my hard pregnancy & in the last two years I have not had the best of luck financially & because of that my credit has suffered greatly. Nick already had poopy credit, but now together, we have poopy credit. Go us!//jokes. Not only that but we have a great deal of debt & I have been looking around for another place to live since January and let's just say, I was having no such luck. Nick's parents being as wonderful as they are have offered us a deal of a lifetime, an opportunity that cannot be refused. It is going to be very difficult and heartbreaking for me to leave my home, friends, family, & mountains that I have been surrounded with my entire life. We are moving to California in less than 2 short weeks. I am excited & very nervous at the same time, but I am doing what is best for my family. Nick & maybe me, will be going to school and working part time while everything else is well taken care of and we are going to start paying off debt and saving money to help get a house after we have careers and improved our credit. At least that is the plan. I will be living in the beautiful Napa Valley about 40 minutes from San Francisco & because I will have virtually no friends & a lot more help with the baby. Expect to hear from me a lot more.
Secondly, everyone tells you how hard it is to have a baby, the old people crack jokes & the young couples tell you its hard, but for some reason it never really sinks in. I always chuckled to myself, yeah yeah it isn't that bad, & If I am being realistic I really don't think it is that hard to have a baby, so far. I can see that it is definitely going to get hard. The infant themselves is not the challenge for me, it is the changes that I have to make within myself & the sacrifices that I must make for the betterment of my child. Although having her around me relying on me for everything is definitely extremely draining, I wouldn't trade being a mother for anything. It is most definitely the greatest role I have ever played in my life and I am honored to say that God was ready to send her to me.
I have realized quickly the hardest part of having a newborn is the strain it has on my marriage. Being married is already stressful enough. For some reason living with Nicholas for a year before was a cakewalk compared to being married, & believe me. Living together prior to being married was no walk in the park either. I don't know why the paperwork complicated my life so much more, but marriage is hard. It takes work everyday. Saying that, marriage is at least 1 billiontrillionkazillionX harder after having a baby. Which is why I am so lucky & blessed to say I have the best parents ever, both my parents & my in laws.
Which brings me to my other big news!! I'm pregnant!!!!!!!!! Jokes. I would die. I AM NOT PREGNANT. Our lease for our stupid apartment complex is up at the end of March. I am embarrassed to admit that over the length of my hard pregnancy & in the last two years I have not had the best of luck financially & because of that my credit has suffered greatly. Nick already had poopy credit, but now together, we have poopy credit. Go us!//jokes. Not only that but we have a great deal of debt & I have been looking around for another place to live since January and let's just say, I was having no such luck. Nick's parents being as wonderful as they are have offered us a deal of a lifetime, an opportunity that cannot be refused. It is going to be very difficult and heartbreaking for me to leave my home, friends, family, & mountains that I have been surrounded with my entire life. We are moving to California in less than 2 short weeks. I am excited & very nervous at the same time, but I am doing what is best for my family. Nick & maybe me, will be going to school and working part time while everything else is well taken care of and we are going to start paying off debt and saving money to help get a house after we have careers and improved our credit. At least that is the plan. I will be living in the beautiful Napa Valley about 40 minutes from San Francisco & because I will have virtually no friends & a lot more help with the baby. Expect to hear from me a lot more.
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