I am so behind on my posting on my blog, and I guess it has to do with lack of motivation to sit down and type, but now as I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of Aria, I figure to keep my mind busy maybe its a good time to sit down and write.
For Thanksgiving, (I didn't even finish my grateful list, oh well I suck) Nick & I had the opportunity to go out to California and visit his family. We were both very excited for this, I actually was probably more nervous than anything. You see, I have only met Nick's parents once, and I haven't met anyone else in his family, or any of his friends from back home. I was suppose to be meeting the whole famdam.... Aunts, Uncles, Grandma, Sisters, Brothers, Nieces & Nephews. Since Nick and I have really been struggling financially his parents graciously paid for our gas to drive there and home, and fed us the entire time we were there. The only time we spent any of our own money was when we went to Jack in The Box (WINNNNNINGGGG) & to buy flowers and a card for his parents, just a little token to show that we really appreciated everything they did for us. The drive there was horrible, we were so excited we could hardly stand it and decided to leave at 11:00pm. Nick's mom made us promise not to leave until 4 or 5am, so she wasn't expecting us until the evening... Well SURPRISE MA, we got there right at 9:30 to watch football. :) She was happy, but a little overwhelmed, in my opinion she is the super Mom. She cooks for everyone, most the time cleans up the kitchen, her house is spotless and she has a plan laid out for what seems to be everything. She is wonderful. Meeting Nick's sister wasn't awkward at all, I know this sounds stupid but we have been Facebook friends since last Thanksgiving & I got a lot more comfortable with her personality, meeting her boyfriend PJ was no big deal either. In fact, he reminds me a lot of my older brother so I really enjoyed being in both of their company, it felt a lot like being at home. After staying at Nick's parents house for 2 nights we drove about 45 miles (I'm guessing, because I really have no idea) to a place called Bodega Bay. It was beautiful, we stayed in a beach house pretty close to the coast. We could see the waves crashing from these gigantic windows in the living room. I will never forget my experience there because it really was so amazing. Most the days we were there it was a little chilly, but nothing to terrible. People were surfing in wetsuits, they're nuts. But we ran with our dog on the beach and played in the water. Leo was terrified of the waves, it was fabulous. Nick's dad bless his heart, had to drive back to Napa most of the days we were at the beach house because of work of coaching responsibilities. We didn't do a lot, other than relax while in Bodega bay. That is where we had Thanksgiving dinner where I got to meet Nick's other siblings, Anthony (and his daughter Shaylynn) Chris & his wife Kim, and there two littles ones. Quiet embarrassing but one of those little ones opened the door to the bathroom while I was using the toilet because the lock was broken and I didn't know! Then he ran off and left the door wide open!!!! My poor little pregnant but couldn't get up fast enough so I was just screaming for Nick hahahahah. I only got to really meet one of Nick's friends, which was fine with me, because this is his friend that he talks about the most, his very best friend for years of his life. I got to meet one of his Aunts & Uncles, but unfortunately everyone else couldn't make it to dinner at the beach house, a little disappointing, but it was okay because I was more comfortable around the same close family that I had met earlier in the vacation. What stunk the most was that most everyone was enjoying some adult beverage and little old me got to drink water or ginger ale. (SOON TASTEBUDS.. SOON) We played ping pong against Dani and Pj for a while, that was also pretty fun. Its crazy how the little things make the best memories. I am so grateful that I got to go out and finally meet all of Nick's family and see the small gorgeous town full of such beauty and a MILLION wineries. It filled a void that I have been trying to find out, why he acts the way he does sometimes, and since we came back home I feel like our relationship has been strengthened so much stronger and we are getting along so much better!
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Grateful
Everyone is posting all over Facebook everyday one thing they are thankful for, well that is wonderful. I just don't feel like posting something new on my Facebook status everyday, so I decided I would do one large post right on my blog with everything that I am grateful for, and a little bit of an explanation why. If you read all of these, kudos to you. These things come in no particular order, just something that crossed my mind throughout the day that I thought, I am so lucky to have this.
1. The opportunity I have that the state assists me medically, and temporary food assistance.
When I found out I was pregnant, my dad announced he was retiring and told me to get my teeth cleaned and everything else because I was going to be losing my insurance. Imagine the immediate stress I felt considering I had not told my parents the big news yet. Luckily with how bad we have struggled financially over the last year, I qualified for state medicaid and I think the lord everyday, because there is no way I could have afforded this pregnancy as I have been high risk the entire time and have to take more medications than what I consider a normal pregnancy would consist of. Also, I don't get embarrassed to say I am currently taking food stamps, a lot of people judge and think of that person is just manipulating the system blahblahblah. Let me tell you cynical people something as you judge me, this nice phone I have that I struggle to pay the bill for every month (but I am in a contract with so I have too.) I bought with my own money over a year ago when I was working for the state making a lot more money with benefits and everything than I am now. That car you see me driving, I am late on the payment every month and can barely afford to keep it as well but I have to have some way to get around. I literally have monthly bills that are higher than my income right now. So stuff it, you never know someones circumstances until you fall into a hardship of your own, don't be so quick to judge. In any event, I am especially grateful for state assistance.
2. My Parents, especially my Daddy.
Do I still call my Dad Daddy? You bet, and anyone that knows me and my father can tell you that we have a very good relationship. I have always been a huge Daddy's girl and I have no shame in saying that. Don't get me wrong, I love my Mom just as much as my Dad, but this post is going to be mainly about the great man my father really is. He has always been supportive, he doesn't like or approve of a lot of the things I do, and he jokes about it and gives me crap about it all the time. But when I need something, I know I can go to my Dad. Over the last few months with our financial struggle, even though he has been retired he has given us a great deal of money so that we have been able to stay barely afloat. Even though many times I try and refuse to go to my Dad for help, he may not think that, I try take care of it on my own in the end when all else fails, I know my Dad is always there to help. Let me tell you a little story about how amazing my dad is, I went to my parents house on 11/2 and I was in mid conversation with my dad he was standing in the front room looking outside watching our elderly neighbor across the street. This man was trying to use a hand saw to cut down a tree in his front yard on his hands and knees. My dad turned around and said, "I gotta go help Bro.R, he's going to hurt himself." He then proceeded to walk to the garage, grab his tools and went across the street to help him. This is the kind of guy my dad is, he is always helping neighbors with their chores and taking care of their houses just as much as he is his own.
3. Sundays- FOOTBALL
Most people would say they are grateful for Sunday's because of religious purposes. Well Sunday is football day in my house, all day long. As we are not very religious, we don't attend church meetings or anything. Although we do await Sunday like it is a holiday every week. Sunday is the only day that my husband has fully off of work, and lately I have been lucky enough to have it off as well. This is a huge bonding time for us as a couple and I look forward to the entire season when its off season. I just love football.
4.Technology
Seriously, need I say more? I can't even imagine what life would have been like for us as a generation if we didn't have our cell phones, iPods, laptops, computers, & internet. Life has become so convenient, it could be considered a bad thing. Anyway, I am happy to have all of these resources to help make my life a little bit easier. Especially the shopping online. ;)
5. My Husband
We may fight like crazy, especially right now because I am one grumpy pregnant lady, but he is there and when things get tough, I know he stands up to take care of us. For example, he is not currently on our lease because of an eviction, but obviously we live together. I may have fibbed and told the land lord when she found out this month, that he doesn't live with us. So I don't get an eviction on my name as well, Nick has stepped up and isn't staying here every night. As much as we both hate it, I know he's doing it because its the best thing for us right now. Not to mention how hard he is trying to get another better job to support us so I don't have to work as hard.
6. Friends
I have incredible friends, that go above and beyond to take care of me. Especially throughout my pregnancy. Chelsey went to my birthing classes with me because Nick couldn't. Heaven help her, I know she is scarred for life because of those videos. They spoil me and my little girl already. They come over to help me with my dinky little nursery crafts and a lot of them have found big items for me to use with Aria that we cannot afford right now. My best friends are always there when I call or text them having a rough day. Always checking in on me. It's nice to have them, because without them I would have gone crazy months ago. I have a past with depression and I have struggled significantly throughout my pregnancy with it without saying anything to my doctor, family, or friends. I am just now starting on medication because it needs to be addressed early before I have my baby and get post-pardom depression.
7. Christmas Lights
Don't take this the wrong way, I am seeing a lot of Christmas lights up already, and it brings such a warm comforting feeling, at least to me. But for heavens sake, put them away. ITS NOT CHRISTMAS YET! Let's celebrate Turkey day, I have been craving that meal for almost 2 months now. *mouth watering*
8.Utah
Utah scenery, the canyons and everything. I drive up there when I am upset and just need to breathe, I have always loved getting away up there. I am especially grateful for the beautiful sunsets that paint across the sky every night.
9.My daughter
I haven't even met her face to face yet, but I am so lucky that she choose me to be the person to carry her into this world and love her endlessly forever. I gripe about being pregnant a lot, but every time she is moving a lot I lift up my shirt a little and just watch my belly. I always have my hands on there because nothing brings more comfort than to feel a human being inside you that you created. Its incredible.
10. My Doggy
I might sound like a freak, but I am really worried about having Aria. Leo is my partner in crime and he is pretty aggressive at times. I love him, he's my first real pet! I just hope that we can get him comfortable and loving with this baby soon, because I fear I will have to get rid of him and I don't even want to think about that. :(
11.Veterens
Like most every American, I am thankful for all of those people who have fought, or are fighting for my freedom daily. I am almost disgusted with myself to think about what they go through overseas to protect my liberties, while I drive to Panda Express and my biggest worry is that they are going to be out of fresh Orange chicken and Chow mein so I will have to wait a few extra minutes. Everything they do for our country is heroic & every single one of them deserves a medal.
12. My job
I just started a new job. It is stay at home, and it is awesome. They have been more than accommodating to my crazy pregnancy schedule and when I requested to get more hours they gladly said yes. I like being about to stay at home and work, its nice!
13. My in-laws
Not everyone knows this, but I have only met Nick's parents once. They are so wonderful too. I haven't met anyone else in his family, but on Sunday (11/23) I get to meet the whole shebang, and I couldn't be more excited! I can only hope that his whole family is a fraction as caring and supportive as his mom. She is such a great lady and I appreciate all the support she gives to me!
14. Retail Employees
I don't think they get enough credit, but as black friday approaches I feel bad that they are going to be working not only on Thanksgiving, but the next day, which is the worst day of the year, most likely, all day long. Because I have been a retail employee and had to work these long shifts, I can feel the anguish and disgust they feel towards everyone. Just know people working on black friday, I appreciate you working on a shit day so that I (which I never really do) and my family members can go shopping for great deals!
15. Other Moms
Friends of mine, or even women I don't know all that well, that are moms. Pretty much anyone that I know that is a mother. I can relate to them and I feel comfortable asking most of them any questions I am having about my pregnancy, or any doubts. Especially not that I am rapidly approaching labor. Gosh I can't believe I am so close, only a couple weeks out!
16. A warm bed
I know not everyone has the luxury to jump into a nice comfy bed at night, or even during the day. OR in my case, whenever the freak I want. I curl myself up right into the covers and could just lay my whole life away.
17.Google
I take such bad advantage of it, I ask it everything in the world. I cannot imagine how people survived without asking the stupid questions I google daily.
18. School
Even though I am not currently enrolled, I am thankful that I have the opportunity to continue my education when not everyone gets to do that.
19. Christmas Treats
I may not be able to indulge in them like I want too because of my current diabetes situation, but I do have a small taste every so often and it is no where near satisfying. This is one of my favorite parts of the season and it really stinks not being able to participate.
20.
1. The opportunity I have that the state assists me medically, and temporary food assistance.
When I found out I was pregnant, my dad announced he was retiring and told me to get my teeth cleaned and everything else because I was going to be losing my insurance. Imagine the immediate stress I felt considering I had not told my parents the big news yet. Luckily with how bad we have struggled financially over the last year, I qualified for state medicaid and I think the lord everyday, because there is no way I could have afforded this pregnancy as I have been high risk the entire time and have to take more medications than what I consider a normal pregnancy would consist of. Also, I don't get embarrassed to say I am currently taking food stamps, a lot of people judge and think of that person is just manipulating the system blahblahblah. Let me tell you cynical people something as you judge me, this nice phone I have that I struggle to pay the bill for every month (but I am in a contract with so I have too.) I bought with my own money over a year ago when I was working for the state making a lot more money with benefits and everything than I am now. That car you see me driving, I am late on the payment every month and can barely afford to keep it as well but I have to have some way to get around. I literally have monthly bills that are higher than my income right now. So stuff it, you never know someones circumstances until you fall into a hardship of your own, don't be so quick to judge. In any event, I am especially grateful for state assistance.
2. My Parents, especially my Daddy.
Do I still call my Dad Daddy? You bet, and anyone that knows me and my father can tell you that we have a very good relationship. I have always been a huge Daddy's girl and I have no shame in saying that. Don't get me wrong, I love my Mom just as much as my Dad, but this post is going to be mainly about the great man my father really is. He has always been supportive, he doesn't like or approve of a lot of the things I do, and he jokes about it and gives me crap about it all the time. But when I need something, I know I can go to my Dad. Over the last few months with our financial struggle, even though he has been retired he has given us a great deal of money so that we have been able to stay barely afloat. Even though many times I try and refuse to go to my Dad for help, he may not think that, I try take care of it on my own in the end when all else fails, I know my Dad is always there to help. Let me tell you a little story about how amazing my dad is, I went to my parents house on 11/2 and I was in mid conversation with my dad he was standing in the front room looking outside watching our elderly neighbor across the street. This man was trying to use a hand saw to cut down a tree in his front yard on his hands and knees. My dad turned around and said, "I gotta go help Bro.R, he's going to hurt himself." He then proceeded to walk to the garage, grab his tools and went across the street to help him. This is the kind of guy my dad is, he is always helping neighbors with their chores and taking care of their houses just as much as he is his own.
3. Sundays- FOOTBALL
Most people would say they are grateful for Sunday's because of religious purposes. Well Sunday is football day in my house, all day long. As we are not very religious, we don't attend church meetings or anything. Although we do await Sunday like it is a holiday every week. Sunday is the only day that my husband has fully off of work, and lately I have been lucky enough to have it off as well. This is a huge bonding time for us as a couple and I look forward to the entire season when its off season. I just love football.
4.Technology
Seriously, need I say more? I can't even imagine what life would have been like for us as a generation if we didn't have our cell phones, iPods, laptops, computers, & internet. Life has become so convenient, it could be considered a bad thing. Anyway, I am happy to have all of these resources to help make my life a little bit easier. Especially the shopping online. ;)
5. My Husband
We may fight like crazy, especially right now because I am one grumpy pregnant lady, but he is there and when things get tough, I know he stands up to take care of us. For example, he is not currently on our lease because of an eviction, but obviously we live together. I may have fibbed and told the land lord when she found out this month, that he doesn't live with us. So I don't get an eviction on my name as well, Nick has stepped up and isn't staying here every night. As much as we both hate it, I know he's doing it because its the best thing for us right now. Not to mention how hard he is trying to get another better job to support us so I don't have to work as hard.
6. Friends
I have incredible friends, that go above and beyond to take care of me. Especially throughout my pregnancy. Chelsey went to my birthing classes with me because Nick couldn't. Heaven help her, I know she is scarred for life because of those videos. They spoil me and my little girl already. They come over to help me with my dinky little nursery crafts and a lot of them have found big items for me to use with Aria that we cannot afford right now. My best friends are always there when I call or text them having a rough day. Always checking in on me. It's nice to have them, because without them I would have gone crazy months ago. I have a past with depression and I have struggled significantly throughout my pregnancy with it without saying anything to my doctor, family, or friends. I am just now starting on medication because it needs to be addressed early before I have my baby and get post-pardom depression.
7. Christmas Lights
Don't take this the wrong way, I am seeing a lot of Christmas lights up already, and it brings such a warm comforting feeling, at least to me. But for heavens sake, put them away. ITS NOT CHRISTMAS YET! Let's celebrate Turkey day, I have been craving that meal for almost 2 months now. *mouth watering*
8.Utah
Utah scenery, the canyons and everything. I drive up there when I am upset and just need to breathe, I have always loved getting away up there. I am especially grateful for the beautiful sunsets that paint across the sky every night.
9.My daughter
I haven't even met her face to face yet, but I am so lucky that she choose me to be the person to carry her into this world and love her endlessly forever. I gripe about being pregnant a lot, but every time she is moving a lot I lift up my shirt a little and just watch my belly. I always have my hands on there because nothing brings more comfort than to feel a human being inside you that you created. Its incredible.
10. My Doggy
I might sound like a freak, but I am really worried about having Aria. Leo is my partner in crime and he is pretty aggressive at times. I love him, he's my first real pet! I just hope that we can get him comfortable and loving with this baby soon, because I fear I will have to get rid of him and I don't even want to think about that. :(
11.Veterens
Like most every American, I am thankful for all of those people who have fought, or are fighting for my freedom daily. I am almost disgusted with myself to think about what they go through overseas to protect my liberties, while I drive to Panda Express and my biggest worry is that they are going to be out of fresh Orange chicken and Chow mein so I will have to wait a few extra minutes. Everything they do for our country is heroic & every single one of them deserves a medal.
12. My job
I just started a new job. It is stay at home, and it is awesome. They have been more than accommodating to my crazy pregnancy schedule and when I requested to get more hours they gladly said yes. I like being about to stay at home and work, its nice!
13. My in-laws
Not everyone knows this, but I have only met Nick's parents once. They are so wonderful too. I haven't met anyone else in his family, but on Sunday (11/23) I get to meet the whole shebang, and I couldn't be more excited! I can only hope that his whole family is a fraction as caring and supportive as his mom. She is such a great lady and I appreciate all the support she gives to me!
14. Retail Employees
I don't think they get enough credit, but as black friday approaches I feel bad that they are going to be working not only on Thanksgiving, but the next day, which is the worst day of the year, most likely, all day long. Because I have been a retail employee and had to work these long shifts, I can feel the anguish and disgust they feel towards everyone. Just know people working on black friday, I appreciate you working on a shit day so that I (which I never really do) and my family members can go shopping for great deals!
15. Other Moms
Friends of mine, or even women I don't know all that well, that are moms. Pretty much anyone that I know that is a mother. I can relate to them and I feel comfortable asking most of them any questions I am having about my pregnancy, or any doubts. Especially not that I am rapidly approaching labor. Gosh I can't believe I am so close, only a couple weeks out!
16. A warm bed
I know not everyone has the luxury to jump into a nice comfy bed at night, or even during the day. OR in my case, whenever the freak I want. I curl myself up right into the covers and could just lay my whole life away.
17.Google
I take such bad advantage of it, I ask it everything in the world. I cannot imagine how people survived without asking the stupid questions I google daily.
18. School
Even though I am not currently enrolled, I am thankful that I have the opportunity to continue my education when not everyone gets to do that.
19. Christmas Treats
I may not be able to indulge in them like I want too because of my current diabetes situation, but I do have a small taste every so often and it is no where near satisfying. This is one of my favorite parts of the season and it really stinks not being able to participate.
20.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Marriage
I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have heard in my life that marriage is hard, and I just brushed it off thinking that everyone saying that was crazy, especially because living with Nick for a year before we got married I thought we had most all of our kinks worked out. Well ladies and possibly gentleman. Marriage is hard. Especially being pregnant, don't get me wrong. I love my husband, he is the light of my life, although during my pregnancy I have wanted to kill him on more than one occasion. Thank heavens for him putting up with me because I have never felt so crabby in my life as I have since I entered my 3rd trimester.
In any event, the last couple of weeks I have felt a little hopeless in marriage and everything. I am sure this can be contributed to my endless crazy hormones but none the less. A friend posted a blog post on Facebook today that was titled, "Marriage Isn't For You". This grabbed my attention and so I began to read this article. I want you to know it is not at all what it seems, and I believe it is something that everyone can benefit from reading, single, married, or in a relationship. I am going to post a link to it incase you want to read the entire article, but I am going to share a little blurb of the part the just made my heart sing and reminded me exactly why Nick & I got married. (Not that I forgot, but its hard to keep your mind on the positive when there is a lot of stress at home.)
In any event, the last couple of weeks I have felt a little hopeless in marriage and everything. I am sure this can be contributed to my endless crazy hormones but none the less. A friend posted a blog post on Facebook today that was titled, "Marriage Isn't For You". This grabbed my attention and so I began to read this article. I want you to know it is not at all what it seems, and I believe it is something that everyone can benefit from reading, single, married, or in a relationship. I am going to post a link to it incase you want to read the entire article, but I am going to share a little blurb of the part the just made my heart sing and reminded me exactly why Nick & I got married. (Not that I forgot, but its hard to keep your mind on the positive when there is a lot of stress at home.)
“You’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this real simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself,you’re marrying for family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
Upon Nick & I finding out we were expecting, we were very excited. We had been together for a year, living together pretty much that entire time. Something that was always important to me was that my parents were together and I was raised in a full family unit, I know that everyone is that lucky. Nick fortunately was raised the same way. We had discussed marriage before, but it wasn't something we were immediately planning on, until we found out about our little jelly bean. We love her so much I just can't even wait to have her in my wrapped in my arms, and to see Nick with her I just know she is going to have him wrapped around her finger. My entire pregnancy he was telling everyone I was having a boy until the day we found out she was a girl. You should have seen the devastation he carried on his face, I know it took a minute to get used to the idea of a little girl but I can see him warming up already and she's not even fully cooked. :)
http://www.forwardwalking.com/marriage-isnt-for-you/
http://www.forwardwalking.com/marriage-isnt-for-you/
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Long Pregnancy
I have always heard various things about pregnancy from other women, but I never imagined that it was going to be as difficult as it has been for me. It began with constant nausea which I guess isn't too unusual. Although for most women it ends, my nausea has stayed throughout my entire pregnancy, accompanied by a lot of acid reflux. I have been on and off of bed rest through out my pregnancy because of bleeding, on more than one occasion, knowing of the issues with pregnancy that have run in my family this has been a constant worry for me. So finding out that I have a genetic blood disorder contributed to creating blood clots and also has been known to cause birth defects on occasion. I was obviously not happy or relieved to discovered that I carried this gene that my sister has (they believe she lost her child at 29 weeks because of this genetic disorder) but I was grateful to know earlier than my sister so I could take the necessary precautions to keep my daughter healthy and safe. With that worry constantly weighing on my mind any mother can imagine the heartbreak I felt to find out weeks later that I also have gestational diabetes. I haven't been very active because of my bed rest, and that contributes to my blood sugar levels being higher, & like any pregnant woman I crave everything sweet in the world. I already love sweets, but now I can't have them really at all? :( Side note, thank God I have such an incredible mother-in-law, as soon as she found out I had gestational diabetes she spent well over $30 on sugar free chocolate and had it shipped to my house 3 days later! After going through my class to learn how to eat better to maintain my levels I have struggled to follow the guidelines I need to in order to keep my blood sugar down. No matter how well I am eating my levels always seem to be higher than the range they are suppose to be in, so either way I am feeling crappy. I don't think many people realize the risk it poses for me to eat out in a restaurant or get fast food, its not even based off of sugar, but carbs. So during this fall season, basically I want to cry because it is too dangerous for me to eat almost anything. If anyone has any input or helpful information for maintain this diet, I am totally open too it. I am constantly fighting these negative thoughts of the possibility that something could end up being seriously unhealthy for Aria.
Over the last few weeks I have been feeling a little guilty for my thoughts on pregnancy. I can't tell you how often I have heard someone say, pregnancy is beautiful. Well my friends, I want you to know I disagree. The only thing I have found comfort in is that I can feel my daughter pushing around my insides a hundred billion times a day. Recently I have found joy in putting my phone light on my tummy and moving it around laughing as she hits the light. Though I can't tell you how often it has crossed my mind, that I am just so ready to be done with this pregnancy and have been hoping that maybe she will come early. I feel so terrible for thinking that because that is so selfish. The longer she is cooking in there the more healthy and strong my baby is, so I need to stop feeling so negatively about it, but obviously my pregnancy has been no walk in the park. I stumbled across this picture of a mommy belly with a quote over it that has been constantly in my mind.
"Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle."
Now if you know me, you know I am no where near religious, but I do have a firm belief in God. Reading this almost broke my heart, here I have been the last 7.5 months sacrificing my body so I can start a family, carrying one of the things I hold dearest to my heart already & I haven't even seen her face yet. I may not think that pregnancy is beautiful, but there are definitely things about it that can be, & knowing that I am helping grow a tiny miracle & another life in my body is gratification enough to go through the insecurities of losing my figure that I have been dealing with. In just 10 short weeks (that are really going to drag on) I will have that miracle in my arms. Hopefully she is just as happy and healthy to be with me as I will be to have her with me and my small family.
Over the last few weeks I have been feeling a little guilty for my thoughts on pregnancy. I can't tell you how often I have heard someone say, pregnancy is beautiful. Well my friends, I want you to know I disagree. The only thing I have found comfort in is that I can feel my daughter pushing around my insides a hundred billion times a day. Recently I have found joy in putting my phone light on my tummy and moving it around laughing as she hits the light. Though I can't tell you how often it has crossed my mind, that I am just so ready to be done with this pregnancy and have been hoping that maybe she will come early. I feel so terrible for thinking that because that is so selfish. The longer she is cooking in there the more healthy and strong my baby is, so I need to stop feeling so negatively about it, but obviously my pregnancy has been no walk in the park. I stumbled across this picture of a mommy belly with a quote over it that has been constantly in my mind.
"Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle."
Now if you know me, you know I am no where near religious, but I do have a firm belief in God. Reading this almost broke my heart, here I have been the last 7.5 months sacrificing my body so I can start a family, carrying one of the things I hold dearest to my heart already & I haven't even seen her face yet. I may not think that pregnancy is beautiful, but there are definitely things about it that can be, & knowing that I am helping grow a tiny miracle & another life in my body is gratification enough to go through the insecurities of losing my figure that I have been dealing with. In just 10 short weeks (that are really going to drag on) I will have that miracle in my arms. Hopefully she is just as happy and healthy to be with me as I will be to have her with me and my small family.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Whatever will be
My name is Britney, I have been debating on starting a blog for quite a while now. If no one wants to read up on it, that is perfectly fine with me. I have decided this is a way for me to express myself and hopefully relieve some stress during my pregnancy. I am 23 years young, married & 28 1/2 weeks pregnant with my first beautiful little girl. Nick and I got married in June and have officially begun our lives together. Needless to say, they are already my world. Call me crazy, but I can't forget to mention my little doggy Leo, who has been my first real pet.
My blog title is Whatever Will Be, I choose that because I have always found myself to be somewhat of a dreamer but never following through on my thoughts, because I always fall back on the logic, "Everything happens for a reason." Recently I found this very short and sweet quote that I think I like better than the previous, "Whatever will be, will be." 5 words, but so simple. This is something I know I will constantly think about during the remainder of my pregnancy as well because I have become quite the worry wart. I am far from religious but I do believe in God and I constantly find myself falling back onto the fact that I think he has a plan for everyone, and the good, bad, ugly or sometimes beautiful things I am going through are all part of the bigger picture.
-& grateful for good friends and great family
My blog title is Whatever Will Be, I choose that because I have always found myself to be somewhat of a dreamer but never following through on my thoughts, because I always fall back on the logic, "Everything happens for a reason." Recently I found this very short and sweet quote that I think I like better than the previous, "Whatever will be, will be." 5 words, but so simple. This is something I know I will constantly think about during the remainder of my pregnancy as well because I have become quite the worry wart. I am far from religious but I do believe in God and I constantly find myself falling back onto the fact that I think he has a plan for everyone, and the good, bad, ugly or sometimes beautiful things I am going through are all part of the bigger picture.
-& grateful for good friends and great family
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